GREY NIGHT

Last weekend, we gathered to explore and discuss the complex space between saints and sinners. Nestled between White Night and the darkness of Halloween was All Saints Sunday, which we renamed Grey Night. It seemed appropriate to use the cathedral like space of All Saints Church in Hove for our first ever event inside a church.

Large pictures of unfamiliar Saints with their surprising and eccentric stories adorned the pillars around the church. Visitors would consider each bizarre tale, then mark with coloured paper whether they believed it to be true or false. Of course, these mythical legends are all too fantastical to be factual; take for example, St Margaret who was supposedly swallowed by a dragon, but miraculously escaped through his stomach unscathed. Regardless of content, the stories are still upheld to be true - so this set the scene for our consideration of what constitutes a Saint. Floating somewhere between the black and white templates of Good and Evil, True and False.

To mirror the clean-cut distinction of these binary terms, our space was also divided in two. A large black circle lay on the floor at the back, with a white one at the front. Scattered upon these lay newspaper cuttings bearing unexpected stories of every day saints and sinners; the clergy arrested for genocide, along with the local community do-gooders. Sitting at the centre of the black circle on a plinth was a skull. The skull spoke to us for a full seven minutes, with the uncanny resemblance of Pastor Mark Driscoll's voice. The controversial leader of an American Mega-Church is known for his angry delivery whilst incessantly pointing his finger at his congregation. His shouts of 'God hates some of you, personally hates you', rang round the walls of All Saints, past the gentle Jesus crucified above the altar and into the concentrated silence that followed. Visitors stood in a mute circle contemplating the God of Love and Wrath, perhaps experiencing or wondering at this proclaimed hatred, like Jesus in his last hour of abandonment.

Small card figures on the black circle waited with the writing 'God Hates...' and visitors took one and filled in their own name. The aisle was strewn with written quotes from the Bible about Saints. People pondered these on their journey to the white circle, then filled out their name on another card figure after 'God loves...' before slotting the two pieces together to make one. A glittering silver pair of angel wings hung reverently in the space before the altar. Visitors were invited to stand before them to have their photograph taken as a Saint.

In one final act together, the large white circle from the front was hoisted up and carried to the back to be laid over the black circle. Laid out on a table were a number of cups, reminiscent of communion. Each person was invited to take one of the cups, which instead of holding wine, were filled with paint; black and white. Written on the cups were both negative and positive things that perhaps we all tell ourselves at one time or another, things that can greatly affect how we treat others as well as ourselves. One by one, we poured out the contents of every cup into the centre of the plinth which was sitting under the sheet. As the black submerged the white and the white overtook the black, we saw all of our pristine categories of saints, sinners and everything else, beautifully merge into one. We saw our boundaries, our classifications and definitions rolling, blending into one large grey mass. When this was later retrieved from the plinth, the significance of the grey puddle could not have been clearer as it had retained the form of the cross.

UNSAFE SPACE @ GREENBELT

As festival-goers queued up for our main BEYOND event on the Saturday night of Greenbelt, a warning was issued. A figure in a red boiler suit, complete with face mask shouted appropriate caution, whilst handing out disclaimers for people to sign if they still wished to enter. Many decided against it; they turned and left. For those who made it past the threshold, it was at their own risk.

With today's obsession with Health and Safety, it is only natural that we as an events team are handed Greenbelt's own list of prohibited items/fluids/sounds. Therefore, we ensured that all of these items were most definitely present, albeit roped off with hazard warning tape. Flashing lights, sharp knives and raw meat were well out of reach. The true hazards were more philosophical and theological in nature.

For many, Health and Safety rules are less important than what we expose ourselves to spiritually. There are some who will not allow themselves to consider, even for a moment, that they do not have all the answers. In contrast, there are people who push the boundaries of our theological thinking into places that are uncomfortable and to some, unnecessary or even blasphemous. However, BEYOND aims to provoke questions, to encourage people to grapple with ideas about God rather than signing up to an established line of dogmatic thought where questions are irrelevant. This was the very essence of our Unsafe Space.

Upon entering, visitors were faced with a large room bathed in red light and manned by figures in white suits. On the left, two projectors flicked silently between numerous images of a controversial and religious nature. The table in the middle was littered with the banned items and Health & Safety Lists were scattered around it. Above the table, two more screens played clips taken from interviews with people such as Rev Klaas Hendrikse and Thomas Altizer on the death of God. Their voices were loud and clear, as though addressing each person in the room individually. Were it not for these interviews, the only sound heard would have been the eerie children's voices singing Sunday School songs about Jesus' love, coming from the back of the room. The familiar songs played awkwardly, in high-pitched tones as they contested the imagery in the room and heightened the already uncomfortable atmosphere.

The room filled steadily, as some groups of people gathered on the floor, expecting an introduction or announcement. Realising that the suited bodies were providing no such entertainment, they were left to discover various stations at the back of the room. Two masked figures held boards with highly ambiguous quotes from Jesus. Famous lines with divided opinion, such as: 'Do you think i have come to bring peace on earth? No, i tell you, but rather division.' Another suited body lay motionless, spread-eagle on the floor in front.

In the far corner, Peter Rollins sat waiting to ward off challengers and engage with some of the evolving questions throughout the evening. Famously celebrated as a heretic by those in opposition to his writing (most notably How (not) to Speak of God and The Orthodox Heretic) he had formed quite a gathering by the end, as listeners sat transfixed by his thoughts.

Elsewhere, there was an opportunity for visitors to contribute to a large scale of certain things, based on whether they regarded them to be unsafe or safe. The response varied dramatically, as shown below.

Next to the scale stood a small transparent safe with a slot in the top. People were encouraged to take a square of paper and write on it something that they'd never dare say in public. It could be a question, a secret, a thought or idea...and they were posted in The Unsafe Safe. The response here was overwhelming in creating some beautiful, honest, dark and courageous notations. It seems that for some, the Unsafe Safe operated as a vessel for confession. They are posted below.

Participants were wished well upon departure and given a glow stick to guide them safely back to their tents in the dark. Ironically, a select few remained, feeling far more safe and at home in our 'unsafe space' than elsewhere, where perhaps questions are not necessary.

"Why can certain sectors of the church fail to accept all people in spite (or because) of race, gender and sexuality, when Jesus accepted all people. WWJD."

"Sometimes I'd just like to get off the world for a bit."

"Theocracy for Heaven on Earth?"

"I am scared of telling people that I have started seeking God again after years of hurt that was caused to me by my previous experiences of 'church'."

"How old is God?"

"Am I really living, or is my life just a pretence?"

"I am scared it's all myth and my ordination is meaningless. I can't turn my back on Jesus but what if it's all just a psychological need and not true?"

"Is Jesus gay?"

"Using drugs for connection and spiritual growth."

"What if I am wrong and God really hates gay people?"

"Insecurities about my talent for the thing that i really want to do."

"I believe that somewhere in every church, the Holy Spirit is desperately trying to tell us that the Bible is not infallible. Useful, yes. True? Maybe. But, when Paul wrote letters he very obviously wrote as a man. We are missing the true relationship with the Holy Spirit because we are looking at a book."

"Join Hacktivists Anonymous. 'Fight the good fight'."

"Christians slamming & condemning others on Twitter & Facebook'."

"Masturbation."

"I would love to be free to challenge the need for money in the C of E. How do I as a vicar say words that may challenge people beyond their financial allegiance to their local social-religious club, where they have power because of wealth?"

"Paying (due) tax. (Self employed)."

"Why do we care what people believe? If they live out lives of love and justice, surely that is all that matters."

"Being alone."

"I believe it is possible for a child abuser to be a Christian. Pray that they will be healed and God will protect His precious children. We all fail God, some more than others. I was molested by a Church of England vicar when I was an 11 year old boy. Child abuse is not only in the Roman Catholic Church, all denominations could be suffering from it."

"Where is God? When is God? Is God?"

"Why does the ideal way not always seem to be God's way?"

"If emergence is true - what is the lie?"

"What do I do - as a Christian - about over-powering sexual desire?"

"Sometimes I doubt so much I don't know what to believe."

"I live several lives - church, work, friends, family - God's presence in each is different."

"Church is preventing Christ from continuing to live in us because of the material building and glitter and dreams we focus on instead."

"What if Paul was right about who will inherit the Kingdom? What if I've disqualified myself by my actions?"

"Fancying other people."

"How did God get born/created in the first place?"

"Is God actually real??

Would God mind if I kept the pen??"

"If the Christian Church really believes that 'all women are beautiful' or whatever else we get told at womens' breakfasts, then why do single Christian men treat single Christian women LIKE SHIT??"

"Has God left His creation to get on with it, alone?"

"Christianity and Paganism."

"Fuck the system. ('Slavery')."

"The conflict between Christians in the US."

"What if hardcore evangelicals are right?"

"Life makes me anxious. Every day I wake up and I think - 'how can I make life safe for my children?'"

"Porn is OK."

"Is there a right and a wrong? Where does grace start and finish and affect right and wrong?"

"How do we include paedophiles in our communities?"

"I lied big time to stay safe."

"Is this a question?"

"How do I / we reconcile the contradictory / paradoxical words or message of Jesus as recorded in the gospels?"

"Where is the boundary between uncontrollable addiction and personal choice? Am I to blame?"

"Smoke weed."

"Why is there this tension between 'being out' and 'don't ask, don't tell' ideas from different churches?"

"Not sure where my marriage is going."

"I am ashamed of my behaviour with someone else who is in this room."

"That being a lesbian is utterly accepted everywhere EXCEPT in church."

"THE BIBLE IS JUST A BOOK."

"Paul never stopped being a zealot Jew. He just changed to make Christianity bad."

"To what extent is homosexuality a scar of inadequate upbringing?"

"Christianity is just pharisees in a new way."

GREENBELT 2011

BEYOND featured heavily at this year's Greenbelt Festival, with three events including the Communion Service. The chosen festival theme, Dreams of Home, was encountered powerfully by more than 10,000 people who turned up for the annual Sunday morning gathering. The multi-coloured ribbons being hoisted above the main stage and congregation formed an all-encompassing tabernacle that has quickly become one of the most iconic images from the festival to date. However, there have been plenty of reviews and commentaries in the post-festival media about Communion, so this space is largely to reflect on our two other 'events'.

THE GAME OF LIFE

For those of you who were at Greenbelt, you will have noticed Beyond's version of The Game of Life near the village green. Set out on the ground, the large triangular 'board' outlined a number of various paths through life. Beginning with birth, the player would flip a coin to determine whether their next move was to the right or the left, repeatedly flipping the coin on each square until the ultimate, inevitable death. Multiple possibilities ensured that each journey encountered was entirely unique and left completely to chance. Who was to say whether you'd grow up in a loving, church-going family or be adopted at the age of two? Would your later life follow a prescribed, stereotypical path given your earlier circumstances, or would you defy expectations and break the mould? The progressive stages through the game induced laughter, sorrow and surprise in equal measure as the unpredictable journey would flit between the serious and the trivial, the sincere and the flippant.

Players described their journeys afterwards with varied interpretations. Some found themselves able to sympathise with certain choices that different people make as a result of their circumstances. Turning to drugs, alcohol, Christianity, Islam, marriage or whatever it was, seemed wholly appropriate for some unsuspecting players, given their fictional background. For others, it was far more interesting to play again and again, comparing the divergent walks of life. Of course there were as many responses as there were players, but one profound uniting factor prevailed: that ultimately, they would all end up together at Home. Whatever Home is.

As you would expect, isolated images will never do the game justice as they are plucked from an all-important context. But for those of you who couldn't be at Greenbelt, below is a taster of what it involved. Our Saturday night event Unsafe Space will probably be best summed up in photos, so please check our next post. It will include 'post-secrets' from The Unsafe Safe.